19. Little Deaths/Delights
rebirth, risen
Happy Easter. I was thinking about my seventh grade easter today. I posted some dumb picture on this group instagram account I had with a handful of friends at the time. One of them has since passed and I think about her a lot even though our friendship pewtered out at the end of high school and throughout college.
We made this group instagram account because we wanted to be influencers so bad — we looked up to the earliest iterations of them online, as they walked us through first crushes, trips to the mall, attempts at makeup. It felt nice to be a part of something. A tumultuous friend group of adolescent girls, recreated online.
I realized today that that’s a little bit of what Hot Literati is morphing into. A collective of shared values and artistic creation and admiration and a hunger to figure something out, though what that something is, I’m not sure any of us will ever know.
I used to be so ashamed of myself as an adolescent. I’m not sure why. And it was strange to feel that self disgust reflected back at you digitally. But over the past year or so, I’ve sat with myself in many ways and gotten past that. You have to enjoy being who you are, or else you set yourself up for a life of mourning.
I’m mourning my friend today. I’m grateful to have felt like a part of some sort of community and I appreciate how full circle things really do feel sometimes. And, in the spirit of easter, I’m expressing gratitude for the rebirth of a scared adolescent girl into someone who actually enjoys being.
LITTLE DEATHS
the eclipse
LITTLE DELIGHTS
the eclipse
dancing with friends
sweat, skin, hair in the sunlight
FROM THE HOT LITERATI UNIVERSE
<3
hailo