Another Insane Meet Cute + Personal Identity Crisis

Hi all.

I’m back to sort of frenetic writing bc my schedule is getting insane again, but there are a few things I want to chat about before I literally need to run out of my apartment. I was up until 4 playing guitar, so apologies if there are typos or anything.

I had the most insane meet cute yesterday. I was jogging and he rolled down his window and started cheering, but somehow in a cute and not creepy way. (He was also in a nice car. I don’t really know cars, but I had a convertible fiat with red leather interior once. That was a good summer. The other day I saw this couple drive by me in a black BMW and I couldn’t help but notice how it purred?

So this dude, who’s also in a nice car, is cheering me on and I laughed and then I had to veer out of my own way to avoid running down a stroller. I crossed the street. This is in Soho. Then I felt this vibe and stopped on the corner. I’m obsessed with those studies about how people can feel being looked at.

I’m also obsessed with Tesla and all that stuff about Earth Angels. I could feel something. And all of a sudden the man is next to me on the sidewalk asking for my number and I realize that his car is fully running at the red light of a super busy intersection on the cusp of Soho. I gave him my number. You have to. He texts in a cute way and we are astrological compatible, but I’m thinking he will either be someone I could marry or be absolutely psychotic. He said he stopped because of my smile. We will find out.

An update on the second date in France: my friend who I was at this gallery with over the weekend mentioned it and I realized, again, that you all actually read this. I’m working on it. We’re having a back and forth and I’m trying to figure out how to safely be flewn out. I don’t think he’s a good person. He’s a couple of people away from a rapper who a piece of graffiti in Lower Manhattan declares he and all of his fans evil. A rapper my brother and I quote, says, “I love him, but I wouldn’t want to meet him because I wouldn’t like him.”

This is not the type of man who is into my mind, you know? We have nothing in common except for a Spotify blend I made us do a few cocktails in. And the rapper my brother loves but wouldn’t like was a good third of his additions to the mix.

Now, on a more reflective note, I was talking in the Didion video about how I feel quite dissociated from desire, often. And I feel like I keep manifesting men into my life, not even as a means of centering them, but as a means of feeling affirmed in value.

I woke up feeling bleh? A man stopped his car in the middle of the road. I am ok. But that’s not how that works at all, that’s social conditioning. I was on the phone last night with my friend and queer icon, DJ, etc etc and we were talking about comphet stuff. They spilled some major knowledge I needed and I think you all will appreciate.