LOVE, SEX, & LITERATURE #5
On situationships and to long distance it, or not
Love, love, love. Venus is in Gemini now and everything is tinted by red-tinged heat. Are you in love? Do you want to be? Are you running from it? Is there a point to that? You will always arrive at the shore of that which you flee from. Everything awaits you across the red river. The depths are murky but your legs are long enough to get you there. They’ve carried you this far without stopping, haven’t they, and hasn’t your heart been so reliable, so brave, to keep pulsing on and on despite everything?
I began a situationship two weeks before moving across the world for a year, and fell for him hard. Having just returned home briefly at the six month mark and fallen for him even harder, we mutually decided not to embark on a very long distance relationship for the remaining six months. Was not making it official a mistake?
Was it a mistake – you tell me!
There’s no way to know. The only information relevant for this decision is within you already. Clearly you are still thinking of this man. Do you have regrets? Are there conversations you wish you had? Are there events or activities you wish you’d done together? I don’t know when or if you’ll see this man again. Maybe you’ll get a chance to revisit the dreams you try to ignore, maybe not.
Remember that the only failure in life is when your heart stops. So long as you’re still drawing breath, the game isn’t over. Every “bad” result is just a lesson. Now you have more information about what you want, what you don’t want, what you should do, what you could do. When the past crystallizes, we can see the future clearer in it. Don’t look too far away from your own reflection. The answers are in your eyes if you know how to parse them out.
What is it we mean when we say something is “official”? What does a title or a label really change for a relationship? Your partner could still cheat or ghost you even if you’re their “official” [x]friend. You could still start a family and elope even if you’re not married. All too often, these titles are easy categories to sink expectations and assumptions into.
Love is quicksand. You can fall in easy and it’s easy to get back out, too, so long as you don’t struggle. Time will harden it and you’ll soon find it easy to step out of this hole and into another. No, there isn’t a way to avoid the pitfalls, and you shouldn’t try to, either. The absolute worst we fear when it comes to love – loneliness – can only really be brought about by the complete avoidance of love. Even if something doesn’t last for years, it lasted for hours, and in those hours, there isn’t anything else that matters, is there?
You decided upon this mutually. I hope you actually agreed and weren’t just won over by his wishes. Let the sleeping dog lie. Not every connection leads to an eternal partnership. But that future love won’t be the same if you had avoided this situation. If nothing else, you wouldn’t know to cherish it so dearly. Now you do.
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