On Individuation, Breaking up w (almost) Everyone, & art art art

+ some big announcements to expect soon on Hot Literati

I became obsessed with this coconut oil brand of popcorn in college. My then boyfriend and I would walk to Princeton’s U-store late at night to get it. “Hailo’s night snack,” he’d call it. I’d be swallowed up in his giant coat, feeling sanctified by him. As if the fear, the guilt of adulthood that crept up could be squashed by a thick thermal custom made for a man that everyone loved. After eating that popcorn for a couple of weeks, I got a crazy reaction in my mouth and had to go to the dentist for them to tell me that I might be allergic to coconut oil, but they weren’t sure.

One of the first guys I dated after moving to New York took me to see Saint Homer. A movie as a first date. We sat side by side watching this terse film about Motherhood and murder. I cried. He didn’t notice. We had dinner. He talked during most of it. I thought he was so interesting! He thought he was so interesting! I used to think about him when I went to sleep. He would be my innocent daydream to send me off into sleepland. What he was doing. If he was thinking about me. This fizzled. He thought I drank too much (I did). I hated the way he talked about art (without any love).

This past weekend, I saw a movie in Brooklyn with my writing mentor. I’ve known her since I was 18. My former boyfriend and I had her as a TA in college. He never understood my bond with her, but it’s lasted for a reason. We sat side by side for two hours and then gushed for three more over brunch. She’s the kind of person who can only speak of things with love and consideration. It seeps through, even in her texts. She’s one of the main people who’s ever made me a confident writer. We talked about our dreams — both the literal sleepy ones and the loftier ones that we’re pursuing.

That being said:

There will be some changes to Hot Literati soon. 8 ish people will be contributing and the content will be moving over to HotLiterati.com, where we won’t inundate you with personalized feeds or pleas for likes and engagement. I want you to seek out what you want to seek out. No algorithm. No like counter to tell you whether or not something is worth enjoying. What happened to creating for the sake of expression? That’s how you put the love back in it.

We’ll continue to use this substack as a newsletter as we migrate and potentially longer. For Little Deaths/Delights, updates, and tentatively a (paid) “ask Hot Literati” column that I might answer on if the questions are fun and juicy and real enough, etc but I’m personally pulling back from my winding narratives. I’ve broken up with (almost) everyone! Stopped going to clubs. Stopped drinking (for now. I love gin.) Stopped texting people back. As I write this (with hives from an allergic reaction to coconut oil btw), I’ve already canceled two dates this week because I want all of my own time to me. I’m done reflecting somber millennials over dinner <3 . I need to pull back to work on jd503 and my novel right now which spreads over themes that I’m finally ready to turn inward and broach.

But before I pull back, I just want to say thank you so much for engaging with my windy narratives and for your words on my writing. I’m really excited to share a full creative narrative eventually.

I get really weird about writing. Almost spiritual. I listen to the same five songs over and over. Write by candles. Write by hand if it’s fiction. Write nearly nude. I’ll laugh. Cry. Eat for sustenance so I can keep writing. Carrots. A microwaved potato. A new iteration of night snack for Hailo.

Some of the most joyful times of this past year have been hunched my keyboard at the end of a long day. Processing things with you all. Learning how to center myself in my own mind, finally.

I’m losing myself in the experience of my own life, working toward and on projects that are not my corporeal self for the sake of someone else. I am so grateful. This community is a dream. Life is a dream. And I know the dreams, literal and forthcoming, are amazing and will be amazing. This is not a goodbye, it’s just a see you a little less.

I’ll be popping in soon to tee up the writers and creatives who will be contributing to Hot Literati this year. They are thrilled to meet you and are just as passionate and fervent and alive as I consider myself to be. I’m pretty sure you’ll love them.

Hot Literati is a state of mind. A way of living. A community.

Hot, cool, well read, centered, fulfilled, joyful, nuanced, heady, and much more, always.

xxxxoooo

Hailo

BACK MATTER:

• make an account on hotliterati.com ! I think this allows you to just comment over there and such. very web 1 experience but should be more fun and better for ur dopamine regulation xo

• submit a hot literati 2024 rule (full list coming soon! soon)

• Ask Hot Literati for advice, an answer, resources, fun facts etc etc

• read this piece on Saltburn that I wrote for another substack